


Worthy of love

by katychan666



Series: Siliaman oneshots [2]
Category: Lost Ark - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23894842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Silian shows Aman just how worthy he is of love - all sides of him.
Relationships: Silian/Aman
Series: Siliaman oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722241
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Worthy of love

A sigh escaped past the monk’s lips and Silian looked up. That was the third sigh in a row and Silian finally placed down the book that he has been reading and looked over to his side. They were alone in Silian’s personal quarters in his castle and the king just placed the book down, crossed his legs and looked towards Aman. Something was definitely troubling the mind of his lover and he pressed his lips together. Aman had the tendency to bottle things up because he didn’t want to bother others with his personal life, but since things have changed dramatically between the two of them, Silian was troubled that Aman apparently still didn’t feel comfortable enough to come to his side for help. He would love to ease his mind.

It was unfair and impossible to carry the burden only on his shoulders, Silian wanted to be there to help him carry the weight and he just smiled softly and turned over to Aman, who was still lost, deep in his thoughts and he was biting on his lip. The king’s soft touch upon his shoulder made Aman looked over to his side and he finally snapped out of it, a little smile spreading across his face. There was a frown upon Silian’s face and he just scooted over to him and then placed a hand upon his leg.

‘’Silian, you seem worried,’’ said Aman and the king arched his brow and then he sighed. Of course that was the response he was going to get - always so selfless, ready to help the others and Silian’s facial expression quickly softened up and he just shook his head. ‘’No?’’ asked Aman and Silian nodded again. No, he was feeling completely and perfectly fine - at least until then, but-

‘’If my eyes did not deceive me before, Aman, I could have sworn seeing you make a troubled expression,’’ said Silian and Aman quickly looked away, his eyes darkening again with worry and Silian just pressed his lips again. So, he was right, it wasn’t just a feeling, but there truly was something on the monk’s mind that was bringing him down. ‘’So, it is true,’’ he said and Aman just shrugged, but he did not deny it. Silian placed his hands upon Aman’s and then his voice dropped lower. ‘’Tell me, what is it this time?’’ asked Silian and Aman didn’t speak up just yet. ‘’You always do this, bottle things up, didn’t we speak about it before?’’ asked Silian and Aman nodded, but at the same time-

The worries have been on Aman’s mind all the time - if he was being completely honest. Being with Silian quieted them down a little bit, at least at the start. But now that things have settled down, he had been worrying more than ever and he just bit upon his lip and tried to change the conversation, but he didn’t know what to speak about. In the end, he just gave up trying and he sighed sadly. 

All he was trying to prove, his entire life, was that he was one among them, humans. But he couldn’t deny the demon blood running through his veins. And for a while, the happiness of finally confessing his feelings to Silian, the king having those same feelings for him… clouded those worries. It made him stop worrying and for a while he was  _ happy _ again. Truly, truly happy, but the harsh reality started coming back and he was beginning to fear. Maybe it was fear of happiness? Of being truly happy? Perhaps.

Aman  _ hated _ the demon part of himself. He couldn’t… he still couldn’t completely accept it even though it was a part of  _ him.  _ Silian knew that there was demon blood running through his veins as well, he never hid it in front of him. But what the other didn’t know was just how much he hated that part of himself. He hated how it made him feel, he hated how he lost control when he’d use his demonic magic, he hated it all. It made him powerful, yes, but at the same time it also made him weak and he just gritted his teeth. He felt so many things, but he couldn’t voice even one and he just bowed his head down.

‘’Aman,’’ said Silian softly and linked their fingers together softly. He gently removed some of the hair that was falling over Aman’s eyes, then he slowly lifted his face up and gave him a soft smile. ‘’Now I truly know that something’s wrong, you’re not one to be speechless,’’ he said, softly laughing, trying to lighten up the mood, but Aman didn’t really laugh or say anything. ‘’No sna-’’ he stared, but Aman finally spoke up.

‘’It’s just,’’ said Aman and then held in his breath for a bit longer and then puffed his cheeks. He again looked down and he made another pause. ‘’I just wish I wasn’t  _ different _ ,’’ said Aman and Silian arched a brow.  _ Different?  _ Silian really wasn’t following him, but Aman was different from others. He was kind, sweet and-

‘’But it’s a good thing,’’ said Silian. ‘’I mean it’s what made me fall in-’’

‘’No, it’s not, Silian,’’ said Aman, raising his voice a little bit and he quickly pulled back, taking in a deep breath. ‘’Sorry, I didn’t mean to,’’ he said. ‘’Sound so rude, I apologise,’’ said Aman and then made another pause. Silian didn’t say anything then, he gave Aman the space and time to explain it to him properly. ‘’I just wish I didn’t…’’ he said and he didn’t even know how to word it properly. ‘’I hate the demonic part of myself,’’ he finally said, gritting his teeth and Silian’s eyes widened. 

Silian didn’t get where all of this was coming from, but he didn’t like what he was hearing. How could Aman possibly hate…  _ himself?  _ Shaking his head, he took in a deep breath and then scooted a bit closer to the monk, anger visible on his face. He thought that maybe one of his men said something to Aman even though the monk has helped their kingdom more than once. But, one could never know, people were truly evil sometimes and if that was the case then- ‘’Did someone say something to you?’’ asked Silian, anger audible in his voice and Aman shook his head.

‘’No.’’

‘’Then… I don’t understand,’’ said Silian and made another pause. ‘’Explain, please, because I-’’

‘’I’ve always hated it,’’ said Aman, his heart twisting in pain and he just shuddered. ‘’I’m tired of always having to prove myself to be-’’ he started, but then his voice trailed off and he just looked down. Proving to who? Others, yes, but also to himself and he his heart broke even more. ‘’I’m always trying to prove to myself that I’m… that this darkness in me isn’t what controls me, but sometimes,’’ he said and Aman just shook his head and clasped his hands together. ‘’I wish I wasn’t different,’’ he just said. ‘’I hate it.’’

‘’No, no, no, hey, look at me,’’ said Silian softly, again cupping Aman’s face and lifted it up. Aman didn’t really try avoiding looking into Silian’s eyes, but at the same time, he didn’t like how… he was afraid that he’d mess this up. He didn’t want to hurt Silian, he didn’t- ‘’You never said anything, I didn’t know, but,’’ said Silian and shook his head. ‘’You shouldn’t hate it, it’s a part of you and-’’ he started, but the look on Aman’s face made him stop talking and he just sighed. It was true, he didn’t understand how it must had been for the monk, but at the same time, he wished that Aman could see himself like he saw him - kind, selfless. 

‘’You can’t possible say you like that part of me, can you?’’ asked Aman and Silian gave him a look of disbelief. Aman misunderstood that and he laughed bitterly. ‘’See, what did I tell you, even someone like you can’t-’’

‘’Of course I do,’’ said Silian quickly, not allowing Aman to finish his sentence and the monk finally stopped talking. He wanted to accuse Silian of only saying that for the sake of it, but then one glance into his eyes told him that maybe he was telling him the truth and Aman’s eyes welled up and he just bit his lip. ‘’I  _ love _ every single part of you,’’ said Silian, trying to make Aman see that he was telling the truth. There was a mixture of confusion and sadness in Aman’s eyes.

‘’How?’’ asked Aman, his voice small. How could he love that part of him?

‘’I… what do you mean how?’’ asked Silian and made a pause. Aman was being completely serious, his eyes seeking answer in his. ‘’You’re the sweetest and kindest soul that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting,’’ said Silian. ‘’I would honestly be a fool if I didn’t,’’ he said, smiling a little bit, trying to lure out a smile upon Aman’s lips as well.

Silence, that was Aman’s response and Silian bit his lip. 

‘’I’m part demon.’’

‘’Yes you are,’’ said Silian and Aman’s heart fell. ‘’But you’re the furthest thing from being one,’’ he said and gently placed a kiss upon Aman’s lips, who sighed softly and he just-

‘’My powers come from a place of darkness and-’’

‘’You use them for good, to help the others,’’ said Silian and Aman looked up. He had an answer for everything, didn’t he? That made him smile just a little bit, but the heaviness in his heart was still there. 

‘’I lose control and-’’

‘’And I’ll be right there to catch you,’’ said Silian and Aman finally cracked a real smile.

‘’You really have this all thought out, don’t you?’’ asked Aman and Silian gave him a firm nod. ‘’I get your point, it’s just… it’s a problem that I’m working on it,’’ he said and Silian made him look up again and he leaned down again, kissing the monk softly, Aman kissing him back and the king smiled after they pulled away.

‘’Let me help you,’’ said Silian. ‘’I’ll show you how amazing you are, even the darker bits of you, all of them are worthy of love,’’ he said and Aman looked down. He wrapped his arms around Silian, pulling him into a tight hug. Those last words meant the world to him -  _ all of him was worthy of love.  _

‘’Thank you,’’ said Aman and Silian smiled softly, pressing a kiss on top of Aman’s soft hair.

He was going to be there no matter what, reminding Aman of how worthy he was of love and with his help Silian was pretty much determined that Aman was finally going to see just how loved he was. That way he was going to learn how to love himself as well, because he was worthy of it, worthy of love. 


End file.
